Ah, the heady 00s heyday of the Wag. This was the last decade when soccer gamers’ wives and girlfriends outshone their pig’s bladder-kicking companions. The golden period of Victoria Beckham, Cheryl Tweedy, Coleen Rooney, Louise Redknapp and their pouting, perma-tanned friends. They shopped exhausting, they partied more durable, they have been by some means blamed when England misplaced. And perhaps it was all impressed by one notorious TV drama.
Using excessive from the rankings success of its schlocky jail collection Unhealthy Ladies, manufacturing firm Shed – co-founded by Corrie alumni – determined to deliver a little bit of filth to the gorgeous sport. Shiny ITV romp Footballers’ Wives debuted 20 years in the past this weekend, and immediately grew to become a seminal slice of TV trash.
Early scripts have been loosely primarily based on Footballers’ Wives Inform Their Tales, a guide of candid interviews by Shelley Webb, the spouse of former Manchester United and England midfielder Neil. Besides the ensuing TV present was so salaciously excessive it made its supply materials appear like Enid Blyton by comparability. It shot. It scored. It celebrated with a fishbowl cocktail and a lapdance.
Gaudily glamorous, shamelessly steamy and knowingly camp, Footballers’ Wives was modelled on 80s US supersoaps Dallas and Dynasty. Its scheming anti-heroine Tanya Turner (a job written with actor Zöe Lucker in thoughts) was JR Ewing and Alexis Colby rolled into one bodycon-frocked, bling-draped bundle.
Set on the fictional Premier League membership Earls Park FC, nicknamed Sparks, the story initially targeted on three contrasting couples. First got here the candy, sympathetic pair: new Sparks signing Ian Walmsley (Nathan Constance) struggled to seek out his toes within the first XI, whereas his spouse, Donna (Katherine Monaghan), tried to trace down the kid they have been compelled to surrender for adoption of their teenagers.
Subsequent got here the Posh-and-Becks avatars. Gloriously named glamour mannequin Chardonnay Lane (Susie Amy) and resident heart-throb Kyle Pascoe (Gary Lucy) have been busy planning their Snow White-themed wedding ceremony – a fairytale bonanza of unhealthy style with matching pink thrones, sponsored by a shiny journal. Remind you of anybody?
Nonetheless, essentially the most compelling couple by far have been villainous crew captain Jason Turner (Christian Solimeno) and his spouse, Tanya, AKA Girl Macbeth in a mock-Tudor mansion. This alpha tigress sashayed throughout the display screen together with her peroxide power-bob, trademark lengthy talons and rattling jewelry, ruthlessly plotting her option to the highest.
Lucker admitted she primarily based her portrayal not on any particular real-life Wag however on Sharon Stone’s efficiency as gangster’s moll Ginger in Martin Scorsese’s On line casino. The manufacturing’s make-up artist apparently went by way of 22 tubes of mascara per collection on Tanya alone.
Motion unfolded in boardrooms and bedrooms, quite than on the boring outdated soccer pitch. Outrageous plotlines took in youngster kidnapping, cocaine-snorting, psychotic stalkers, sexually abusive nurses, lethal drunken brawls, megabucks match-fixing and high-profile court docket circumstances. And also you thought the “Wagatha Christie” scandal was daft.
Kyle’s meddling mom, Jackie (ageless EastEnders stalwart Gillian Taylforth), had graphic intercourse with love rat Jason on a snooker desk. Cue insalubrious “potting the pink” headlines and Tanya accusing him of “shagging Previous Mom Hubbard”. Collection two climaxed with a Who shot JR?-style cliffhanger when Jason fell from a rooftop to his demise after an unseen assailant walloped him with (what else?) a champagne bottle.
It duly grew to become one of the talked-about dramas on TV, albeit not all the time for the proper causes. Rankings reached a formidable 7m. Sky’s long-running however comparatively pedestrian soccer drama Dream Workforce had topped the TV league desk till Footballers’ Wives swaggered on to the scene and snapped up all of the silverware like a glory-seeking membership with a brand new billionaire proprietor.
Characters lived in Essex mansions with swimming swimming pools and ponies. “We’ve received it, so spend it!” went the wives’ motto. Stadium sequences have been filmed at Crystal Palace’s Selhurst Park floor and the now-demolished White Hart Lane, the previous residence of Tottenham Hotspur. The present’s brand was a glitterball/soccer hybrid, with the programme title styled as “footballers wive$” – all decrease case with no apostrophe, which solely irritated the snobs much more.
It spawned late-night spin-off Footballers’ Wives: Further Time and even a mockumentary chatshow, Footballers’ Wives TV. The collection was remade in Germany, Italy, the US and Canada (the place the game was tweaked to characteristic the wives of ice hockey stars).
Movie star cameos added to the in-jokey cheesiness. Among the many acquainted faces popping up have been footballers, clearly (Sol Campbell, David Seaman, Teddy Sheringham) plus a ragtag choice of random C-listers (Katie Worth, Peter Stringfellow, Rula Lenska, Peter Andre, Lionel Blair, Tara Palmer-Tomkinson, Richard and Judy). Earls Park began to resemble a provincial panto.
From the third collection onwards, the motion revolved much more round its MVP, the newly widowed Tanya – notably her love triangle with Amber and Conrad Gates, the membership’s bisexual new skipper and his violently possessive spouse (performed by Laila Rouass and Ben Worth). The 2 ladies had a designer handbag-swinging catfight in clear tribute to Dynasty’s Krystle v Alexis fisticuffs.
Shark-eyed gamers’ agent Hazel Bailey (Alison Newman) arrived to fire up bother (and sleep with Tanya). Chardonnay died from anorexia. A child was swapped for an additional, then smothered by a jealous pet pug. Tanya actually shagged a wealthy outdated man to demise for cash. Between the third and fourth collection, the demonic diva “crossed over” into Unhealthy Ladies for 3 episodes after she was jailed for drug possession. Naturally, Tanya quickly poisoned her fellow HMP Larkhall inmates and blagged her method out.
Casting grew to become a revolving door. Storylines disappeared up their very own gamers’ tunnel (suicide pacts, Chinese language Triad gangs and intersex infants ahoy). Viewership dwindled to three.7m. The ultimate collection was graced by former Dynasty super-bitch Joan Collins, one among Tanya’s touchstones, however not even the doyenne of melodrama may halt the rankings droop. The ultimate whistle was blown after 5 collection and 42 episodes.
Not less than it received a suitably ludicrous send-off. The 2006 Sport Aid telethon featured a spoof mini-episode titled The Final Ever, Ever Footballers’ Wives, with Graham Norton enjoying Earls Park’s newest signing, the tastefully named Brendan Spunk.
The present is now thought to be one thing of a kitsch cult basic, often showing in meme type on social media. A nostalgic fanbase means it does brisk enterprise on streaming service BritBox. There are periodic rumours of a reboot.
Its affect may also nonetheless be felt as we speak, within the likes of Apple TV+’s breakout hit Ted Lasso – a extra comedic, transatlantic tackle the identical materials. Richmond FC and Earls Parks FC are each suburban London groups who put on blue kits. Along with her blond mane and power-frocks, membership proprietor Rebecca Welton even bears a visible resemblance to Tanya – maybe impressed by actor Hannah Waddingham’s transient stint on Footballers’ Wives again within the day. In the meantime, Keeley (Juno Temple), the mannequin girlfriend of coach Roy Kent, is a Wag straight out of the Earls Park VIP lounge.
In contrast to folksy Coach Lasso and co, Footballers’ Wives may not have bagged Emmys nor Golden Globes. Heck, it barely earned any TV Fast Awards. But it surely was large enjoyable whereas it lasted and now it’s turning 20. We’ll increase a glass of classic Chardonnay to that.
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