I’m a lady and have identified that I’m bisexual since I used to be 16, however I’ve solely ever had relationships with males. I’m now virtually 30 and in a dedicated relationship of greater than 5 years. I really like my associate, however after I take into consideration the eventuality of marriage, a mortgage and kids, I really feel a small surge of unhappiness: have I missed the prospect to discover my sexuality? I believed it might occur at college, or, on the very least, that I’d be capable to really be myself (overtly interested in girls). But I’ve by no means been one for placing myself on the market. Earlier than I knew it, I used to be in my closing 12 months and I had began relationship my now long-term associate. I’m left with not a lot a conundrum, however a sense of loss for one thing I by no means had. The last word query: do you assume it’s greatest to simply settle for I’ve missed my likelihood, and be pleased about the dedicated relationship I've?
Solely you possibly can resolve what's greatest for you, and you can not be blamed for selecting security and stability over sexual exploration. Nonetheless, you wouldn't be asking the present query have been you not deeply troubled by your emotions. Maybe there's a approach so that you can attempt connecting with a lady to whom you're attracted – as a way to discover the erotic potentialities in a non-physical approach ie with out sabotaging your main relationship. I'm not suggesting you've got an affair (though some individuals in your place would possibly select such a plan of action in pursuit of self-discovery) however slightly, that you just open your self a bit extra to sights and erotic indicators that you've beforehand prevented. In permitting your self to be extra open on this approach, you would possibly be taught whether or not your need for ladies can stay a fantasy or not.
Pamela Stephenson Connolly is a US-based psychotherapist who specialises in treating sexual problems.
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