Over the years we’ve been collectively, my spouse and I've change into more and more “seen” as lesbians. There’s the considerably apparent undeniable fact that we’re a pair, which routinely makes us extra identifiably homosexual than we had been once we had been single. However there’s additionally been the evolution of our haircuts from straight-passing, to quick and uneven, our current adoption of a cat (it’s a factor, look it up), and the truth that sizeable proportions of our wardrobes encompass dungarees and blazers.
Moulding to stereotypes isn’t, in fact, the top of “lesbian visibility”. However I do assume that, having grown up believing that “wanting homosexual” was an insult, the truth that each of us now usually view that description as a praise demonstrates some extent of self-acceptance. And acceptance – whether or not it's of your self or of others – is unquestionably what Lesbian Visibility Week (which we’re presently in, by the way in which) is all about.
Lesbian Visibility Day, or week, because it’s now change into, has been round since 2008, everything of my life as an out lesbian. I’ve all the time seen it as a constructive factor: a possibility to be happy with who we're and the way far we’ve come, and to maintain combating to be seen equally. However this time round I’ve discovered it trickier to abdomen. I hadn’t even realised it was this week, till I used to be knowledgeable by way of an e-mail from Stonewall. And the following e-mail in my inbox was from the British Transport Police, asking me to digitally signal the assertion I offered after my spouse and I had been victims of a homophobic hate crime on a current practice journey.
The incident happened a number of weeks in the past. Males on the practice had been hurling abuse at us, and I didn’t really feel as if there was a lot I may do about it. Slightly than turning round and shouting again, I as an alternative prevented eye contact and stayed silent, understanding that we had been outnumbered and unable to defend ourselves in the event that they determined to bodily assault us.
When issues escalated they usually began throwing issues at us, I went and instructed on them to the practice supervisor like a pathetic schoolchild, relatively than standing up for myself as I felt I ought to have been in a position to as a completely grown grownup. And I can’t assist considering that even when CCTV can determine the lads who did this to us, there'll in all probability be different incidents like this in my life, and I'll in all probability really feel simply as helpless.
It’s nonetheless plain that being visibly a lesbian can put me in peril. And for the time being I really feel extra scared than within the temper for celebrating.
As a lot as I don’t wish to let these males and other people like them “win”, I in all probability will assume twice earlier than I get one other practice residence late at night time, or earlier than I subsequent maintain my spouse’s hand in public. When you might be able to change on the telly and see two males dancing collectively within the Strictly closing, or drag queens promoting us all the pieces from broadband to quarter pounders, it’s nonetheless not protected to be visibly homosexual. LGBT+ hate crimes are on the rise on this nation whereas homophobic legal guidelines have been launched in others, and rising criticism of gender non-conformity has made anybody who doesn’t fairly slot in with conventional gender norms a possible goal.
This sort of worry just isn't unique to homosexual girls, it’s vital so as to add. Being a girl alone is sufficient to appeal to abuse, as is being Black, or trans, or anything that may make somebody seem visibly “completely different”.
I’m normally all for being “seen”. I really like the truth that queer youngsters within the UK now have grown up with an entire host of out-and-proud function fashions on their TV screens and social media feeds – maybe of their dad and mom’ friendship teams, too. I really like the camaraderie of a room filled with proud dykes and bi girls about to exit clubbing collectively, the place a pal can yell, “5 minutes till we have to depart: begin lacing your Doc Martens” and we are able to all chuckle at ourselves. And I cherished getting married – married in a church, even – surrounded by family and friends final yr.
However it frustrates me how these us in these marginalised teams are continually having to consider easy methods to keep protected in our day-to-day lives, simply in case somebody is ready to harass us for merely being ourselves.
Quickly, hopefully, I’ll be pulling on my Doc Martens and becoming a member of those that have sufficient vitality to battle again towards all of this, and towards all the opposite horrible issues occurring on the planet proper now. However forgive me if this Lesbian Visibility Week I’m too scared and drained to be a lot of an activist. Simply let me get residence safely to my cat.
Lucy Knight is commissioning editor, books on the Guardian
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