My date thought I was a necrophiliac after I said I was narcoleptic

‘So do you continue to fancy lifeless folks or…?’

Relating to getting the inevitable sneaky ‘You up?’ textual content or DM slide from somebody who’s ghosted you prior to now, I believe I can safely say this isn’t what most individuals anticipate.

We’ve all been there. A date has gone — in our eyes — rather well and also you spend the following few days sitting eagerly ready for that textual content asking to satisfy up once more, as a result of, duh, you’re essentially the most fantastic firm they’ve ever skilled.

However that textual content by no means arrives — and the approaching weeks are spent questioning what the hell you probably did fallacious. Did I've one thing caught in my tooth? Was my hilarious story truly simply unhinged trauma sharing? What if I barked as an alternative of claiming good day?

Nonetheless, I don’t assume: ‘Oh perhaps he thinks I shag lifeless folks’ is a conclusion many people would bounce to.

Let me set the scene.

I used to be in my early twenties, had damaged up with the particular person I believed was the love of my life and had begrudgingly determined to go on a date with (let’s name him) Lee, who’d satisfied our mutual good friend to set us up.

Regardless of being vulnerable to dangerous selections following my latest heartbreak, the date was a number of enjoyable. It turned out we had loads in widespread: related pursuits and shared ambitions.

He requested me a great deal of questions on myself, made me ache with laughter and provided to pay for dinner. When he went to the bathroom, I texted my pal: ‘Right here, he’s an precise babe, I undoubtedly need to see him once more’.

All of a sudden, the entire ambiance of the date modified. Lee stared again at me weirdly and adjusted the topic

Lee and I carried on chatting over drinks and, loosened up by the booze, I informed him that I might need narcolepsy – a long-term mind situation that may trigger folks to go to sleep out of the blue, one thing I’d not too long ago began doing, a lot to the fear of these closest to me.

All of a sudden, the entire ambiance of the date modified. Lee stared again at me weirdly and adjusted the topic to what he was as much as that weekend with ‘the lads’, which damage my emotions as I didn’t assume I’d massively overshared by telling him one thing about my well being.

I’d not too long ago informed my household and associates about the potential of me having narcolepsy and I’d been overwhelmed by how supportive everybody was as I attempted to pursue a strong analysis. I took Lee’s response as a little bit of a pink flag however, missing self-confidence on the time, I informed myself that I wanted to maintain schtum about issues like that.

The date ended quickly after and he made a fast exit. I didn’t hear again from him once I despatched a ‘I had a number of enjoyable tonight, we must always do it once more!’ textual content. I used to be gutted and used my disappointment to remind myself why I wasn’t actively courting.

Slowly, I moved on, acquired again on the market and put the expertise all the way down to ‘some individuals are only a bit s**t’.

And, then, years later, a textual content pinged up on my display within the early hours of the morning.

I’d been at an afterparty at somebody’s flat and was checking my cellphone to see the place my taxi was once I noticed his title. Flicking it open, there was the basic textual content everyone knows from that point of evening: ‘Hey! Very long time no converse, how have you ever been?’.

No s**t Lee, critically? After years of silence, you assume now could be the time to hit me up? A random Saturday morning, years after our date, at booty name o’clock?

He had thought I meant necrophilia once I informed him I might need narcolepsy (Image: Dayna McAlpine)

Seething and stuffed with crap vodka I angrily typed again: ‘What would you like?’, whereas absolutely conscious what he needed… or so I believed.

‘So do you continue to fancy lifeless folks or…?’

‘What the f**okay are you on about?’, I hammered again. Certainly this can be a wind-up, I believed. He’s in all probability out and he and his buddies are having a pleasant snort at me, some poor chook he ghosted years in the past.

‘Lol thoughts you informed me you would possibly fancy lifeless folks on our date’, he replied, with a laughing emoji.

It out of the blue all dawned on me. The sudden change in ambiance on that date all these years in the past. My good friend had stated that Lee would by no means inform her why he didn’t need to meet up once more.

He had thought I meant necrophilia once I informed him I might need narcolepsy.

Following a stream of texts from me frantically declaring his mistake, he replied: ‘Oh man, I’m so sorry I’ve been the winner of the worst date ever story for years as a result of I believed you have been a corpse shagger.’

Ping. A second textual content.

‘Now that we’ve cleared that up, what you as much as?’

Unsurprisingly, I by no means texted Lee again after that and to at the present time I nonetheless surprise how many individuals on the market in my hometown of Edinburgh mill about considering I’m into necrophilia due to this man.

Extra concerningly, what number of failed dates had he been on to assume, at 4am that fateful Saturday morning: what, I’ll hit up the woman who fancies lifeless guys for a sneaky hyperlink? Perhaps she’s chilled out a bit?

For the file, in addition to not fancying lifeless folks (a press release I by no means thought I’d must say as many occasions as I've now at this level) I additionally don’t have narcolepsy – I've persistent fatigue syndrome/ME, which impacts 1 in 250 folks within the UK.

I could have been the topic of Lee’s worst courting story ever for years, however there’s a small shred of justice in him now being mine. I’ll always remember it, ‘til loss of life do us half.

So, How Did It Go?

So, How Did It Go? is a weekly Metro.co.uk sequence that may make you cringe with second-hand embarrassment or ooze with jealousy as folks share their worst and greatest date tales.

Need to spill the beans about your individual awkward encounter or love story? Contact jess.austin@metro.co.uk

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