If your only interaction with macaroni and cheese has been one with a box of noodles and fluorescent orange powder, then this is the taste test for you.
Of course, I’d challenge anyone to whip up a homemade mac and cheese recipe (which will undoubtedly taste better than anything store-bought), but I completely understand the very specific craving for quick, easy, piping-hot, artificially-flavored, sodium-laden, cheesy, carb-filled goodness.
“Carbs and fat is a no-miss combo,” confirms Josh Ross, executive chef and owner of Pittsburgh-based jazz bar and restaurant Con Alma, whose menus often include his own decadent takes on macaroni and cheese. “Our name, ‘Con Alma,’ is taken from a Dizzy Gillespie song, and it spoke to us not just in terms of being a jazz reference but in reflecting our philosophy. ‘Con Alma’ translates to ‘with soul,’ and that’s the approach we take in everything we do.”
Macaroni and cheese obviously falls into the “soulful” category of food, but Ross (like me) is adamant about making the classic dish yourself (using literally anything in your kitchen as an alternative — any type of pasta, cheese, veggie, protein, etc.).
That said, he is also, ultimately, a believer that any dish, like the music played in his venue, should take you on a journey.
“Food can evoke childhood memories and conjure existing traditions, or it can lead you to new experiences that build the foundation for your own traditions,” he says, which is sage advice if you want to zhuzh up that standard box with ingredients like chili crisp, pesto, bacon or fresh herbs like thyme and sage.
But if instinct and pure nostalgia convince you to keep grabbing that famous blue box and nothing more, there are seven other mainstream varieties that are practically begging to be considered, as well. So, naturally, I bought them all, pitted them against each other and ranked them below. The only criteria is that they had to be orange — none of this gourmet, fancy, white cheddar stuff.
Here’s how they mac’d — er, stacked — up.
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8. 365 Whole Foods Market Macaroni & Cheese
Whole Foods failed with this unique take on the timeless stoner food classic. It was bizarrely sweet, soggy like cereal that’s been left out for too long with milk (which I typically enjoy because I’m weird), and prepared with an ultra-fine cheese powder that dissolved a little too well. This yielded a not-cheddary, not-salty, not-satisfying bowl of $1.99 that I’ll never see again (not that I’m bitter or anything).
7. Great Value Macaroni & Cheese Original
I really don’t understand the hype surrounding this uber-cheap box from Walmart. Sure, it was delightfully thick and creamy, but only because the instructions called for nearly double the amount of butter you typically find with other brands. If it didn’t have a high saturated fat content, it’d be just like any ol’ box. (Other than the price of course. This was literally less than 60 cents, which is kind of insane.)
6. Cheetos Bold & Cheesy Mac ‘n Cheese
If you enjoy Cheetos, you’ll be rushing to Costco to buy this in bulk. I am more of a kettle chip kind of guy, so this was a bit one-noted and ultra-dense for me, though I appreciated the bold and intense flavor that really mimicked the O.G. neon orange corn puff. It also strayed from the norm by using a fusilli noodle, which I also respected, though its heaviness may have contributed to feeling like I had a Cheetah-shaped bomb in my stomach.
5. Kraft Mac & Cheese Original Flavor
Cheesy, salty, buttery and, best of all, nostalgic — there is a reason why Kraft’s blue box has become the gold standard of store-bought macaroni and cheese. But dare I say that this didn’t taste as good as I remembered? Its flavor wasn’t as potent (which knocked off a few points), though it was oddly the one I could keep eating over and over again with all too great of ease. This was likely due to its iconic sauce that really does coat every noodle. So it earns a solid B — good, but not the best.
4. Goodles Cheddy Mac
Here is where things took a very exciting turn because I went into eating Goodles thinking, “A healthy mac and cheese? Who do they think they are?” Well, apparently they’re magicians because they found a way to sneak fiber and plant nutrients into the recipe without it tasting like it came from a specialty health food store. I did want to add a touch of black pepper to spice things up, but I was generally impressed with its balanced cheesy flavor and perfectly al dente noodles.
3. Annie’s Macaroni & Classic Cheddar
This is the one that tasted the least artificial, which makes sense since Annie’s prides itself on being organic and selling products made with only high-quality ingredients. After the first bite, I was a little bored. But then I realized there was a great texture play going on with an almost sticky mouthfeel that reminded me of killer cacio e pepe I had in Rome. Any true Italian would likely scoff at this microwaveable bowl, but I was grateful for the wonderful — albeit very fleeting — food memory.
2. Cracker Barrel Macaroni & Cheese Dinner Sharp Cheddar
You’re not going to get ‘90s Nickelodeon orange with Cracker Barrel’s extra-zesty recipe, but you are going to get a damn good mac and cheese that really puts the emphasis on — shocker! — the cheese. And despite the fact that it was overly salty (which I may have confused for sharpness … there is only so much a palate can take in one sitting), I was totally on board with this very satisfying, dairy-forward alternative to beloved No. 5.
1. Velveeta Shells & Cheese
If loving this is wrong, I don’t want to be right. It may not have even tasted the best, but it left the biggest impression with a silky-smooth mystery cheese sauce that reminded me of my grandma’s home cooking. (She used Velveeta cheese in her famous pierogi recipe). I am, admittedly, still not entirely sure what’s in said mystery cheese sauce, but I am not here to ask questions. I am simply here to nosh, be ever-so-slightly judgmental and relay my thoughts to the masses. And for that, I am grateful.
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